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[Listen to an audio version of this blog entry here.]
A few weeks ago on BBC Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine Show, there was a discussion about lifelong singletons.
Considering my relationship status and general outlook, the topic piqued my interest.
Not in it to win it
While there were few nuggets of wisdom from the “expert” contributor and various callers, I certainly could resonate with the observation that non-single folk tend to make assumptions about those of us going it alone.
Chief among them is the questioning of one’s sexuality. Regardless of sexual preference, the idea that an individual might be simply content not to be hooked up or constantly playing the dating game appears to be unthinkable for some. ‘There must be something deeper at play.’ Or so it goes.
For me, the main reason I’m single — in terms of things that are within my control in any case — is that I find dating a tedious affair. Thus, if one isn’t really playing the game then one can hardly expect to “win” it.
OK, I do dabble in some dating apps, mostly out of boredom and curiosity, and I do get matches. Yet, even if the initial conversation is promising, I usually lose interest very quickly.
‘Here in Colombia, if any potential suitor were happy for the wining and dining to take place in my beloved barrios, then we might be on to a winner. Alas, very few appear up for that.’
Obviously, the idea is to arrange an actual physical meeting but, based on previous form, I generally come to the conclusion that it’ll be a waste of time and money. Once bitten and all that (see, for one, https://wwcorrigan.blogspot.com/2017/05/a-prostitute-by-any-other-name.html).
People may point to the frequently cited “commitment issues”. That might be a factor yet, like in anything, one wants to see some potential in the “project” before committing.
It must be noted that my current location plays a part in all this, too. I live fairly frugally in a country where many women — the ones I often meet anyway — expect the man to lavishly wine and dine them from the get-go. And to do so indefinitely.
For sure, bringing it back to basics for a moment, the male of the species in the majority of cases has to do much of the initial wooing. The task is to convince the female that he has the right attributes to father offspring. As advanced as we Homo sapiens are — some of us anyway — these instincts are still at play, even if procreation is not the desired goal.
In modern times, this generally means financial security, a solid career, popularity, reliability and such like, regardless of the country.
Here in Colombia, if any potential suitor were happy for the aforementioned wining and dining to take place in my beloved barrios (see https://wwcorrigan.blogspot.com/2021/08/bogotas-perpetual-corner-bar-barrio.html), then we might be on to a winner. Alas, very few appear up for that.
This isn’t to say that available women don’t frequent these barrios. Of course they do. It’s just many of them, from my observations, prefer to stick to their own tribe, particularly so when they realise the “exotic” foreigner is not as wealthy as their preconceptions had led them to believe. ‘You’re not loaded, you don’t dance. Next.’
Therefore, I might actually have a better chance of finding a relationship companion in a country with less inequality. That’s the theory in any case.
In one aspect, however, having a partner in Colombia could potentially save me money. Or at least save me from entering into risky compromises. I could use it as a reason to refuse these regular loans I’ve been giving out over the last few years (see https://wwcorrigan.blogspot.com/2021/10/the-barrio-banker.html). ‘Sorry, marica, but I’ve no money left to lend, I’ve spent it all on the missus.’ Something to that effect.
Do I see myself being a lifelong singleton? Well, I’m no clairvoyant but the 19 years of adulthood I’ve had thus far suggest the safer bet is to be on the yes side of that question. And, as alluded to, I’m not desperately trying to change my current relationship status.
Nonetheless, one never truly knows what the future holds.
Listen to Wrong Way’s Colombia Cast podcast here.